2017 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure

*A HOLOGRAM OF ROB ZOMBIE MATERIALIZES*

*”SUPER-CHARGER HEAVEN” BY WHITE ZOMBIE STARTS TO FILL YOUR VEINS*

2016 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure

**FIREWORKS EXPLOSION**
**SMOKE MACHINE SMOKE**
**SWEET LAZER EFFECTS**
**SUPER LOUD, HIGH-ENERGY MUSIC THAT SOUNDS REALLY CLOSE TO SOMETHING OFF OF THE 1997 ALBUM “THE FAT OF THE LAND” BY THE PRODIGY BUT DIFFERENT ENOUGH TO AVOID LEGAL ACTION BY THE AFOREMENTIONED THE PRODIGY**
**CUE THE GATOR’S ENTRANCE VIA A FLOOR ELEVATOR**

That’s how you make an entrance! You hear that 2016 State Fair of Texas?! That’s how you do it!

2015 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure (Round 2): About that Chicken Fried Lobster

The 2015 State Fair of Texas has come and gone and if you didn’t go, you’re stupid, you missed out. This year’s Fair was full of great new food items, plus all the favorites of past years. The Lady Gator and I were able to squeeze in two trips to eat all the things we could for the sake of family home economics. You can read about our first trip here, but let’s get to the artery clogging sticking point:

CHICKEN FRIED LOBSTER.

Deep-fried Breaking News: The Gator to Tackle $30 Deep-Fried Lobster “Thing”

**BREAKING NEWS!**

Just when he looked like he was down and out, The Gator’s adoring fans go and lift him to new levels! As detailed in my Round 1 review of the 2015 Texas State Fair, The Gator had to forego this year’s extravagant Chicken Fried Lobster for reasons of:

1. It’s damn 60 tickets ($30).
2. They were out of the tail meat that made it so luxurious when The Gator and Lady Gator made their visit.

Then, the Lady Gator brought in the mail. “What’s in the mail?”, you cry in your best SE7EN impression. A letter from an amazing Gatorfile.

2015 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure (Round 1)

What’s up, bitches? It’s that time of year we all wait for—THE GREAT STATE FAIR OF TEXAS! Oh, you don’t know about the amazeballsness of The State Fair of Texas? What’s the matter with you? You do know, but you haven’t been to the State Fair of Texas? You’re stupid. Let me educate you about what it is I do and what it is I’m here for before I get started on what it actually is that I do and what it is I’m actually here for.

The 2014 State Fair of Texas

It’s going to be short and sweet (but mostly savory) this year folks.

The Gator done got himself married. Therefore, he had Mrs. Lady Gator had to focus most of their time, energy and money dollars on the wedding nuptials of marital weddedness. However, we kicked off our honeymoon the best way we knew how — we went to the State Fair of Texas and hustled our way through like a couple of newlyweds who had been on wedding diets for the last month.

The Gator Eats: Stephan Pyles’ San Salvaje

“We’d follow you anywhere” were our words to Stephan Pyles as he took time to chat with us while making the rounds  around the dining room of his newest restaurant, San Salvaje. We were nearing the end our special 5-year anniversary meal. We had spent the previous anniversary at the then new Stampede 66, also belonging to Chef Pyles and loved every second of it. We dined at Chef Pyles’ eponymous flagship a few years before for Dallas Restaurant Week and loved every second of it. When we heard that San Salvaje, his take on South and Central American cooking, would be opening at the beginning of May, we made reservations right away to celebrate. You see, in my eyes, Stephan Pyles can do no wrong and I would gladly eat anything the man took the time to create. ANYTHING. Well, maybe not anything. Let’s move on.

2013 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure

SPOILER ALERT – The Gator remains undefeated in his battle against the State Fair of Texas. 2013 offered her mightiest resistance, but The Gator and Lady Gator were having none of it. This is not without some room for dispute, however. The Fair tried to pull some bush-league antics by withholding some of its edible eats from my mouth. By throwing out excuses like “oh, we ran out” (Spicy Spam Empanada), or admitting it was just a marketing hoax (Deep Fried BBQ Wontons), or by flat-out hiding things from the masses (The Beast Burrito), the Fair thought it could gut The Gator. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO! I laugh at these feeble attempts to snatch victory from my jaws. We still kicked your delicious deep-fried ass, Fair!

2013 State Fair of Texas: new fried foods for the masses

I get corny dog in my eye, too.
Photo Credit: Tom Fox, Dallas Morning News

I promised in my initial State Fair of Texas post dealing with the Big Tex Choice Awards to comment and discuss the generically named “New Fried Foods” at the Fair. I hope you’ve been drinking water. The drool factor and salt content are going to mess you up, sucka.

Welcome back, old friend…

In case you haven’t heard, the new Big Tex debuted yesterday. Here he is:

Photo credit: Amy Silverstein

Originally planned to be a dramatic unveiling on Friday, Thursday’s winds started to slowly undress Big Tex from his white coverup drape revealing his head to the media. Knowing the rug had been pulled out from under them, officials just kind of looked at each other with question mark face, threw their arms in the air with give up and just dropped Big Tex’s giant sarong. Such a womp-wah moment. The big guy deserves better than that. Oh well.