The 2012 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure

I’m from Texas which means: I got a ranch in downtown Dallas. I buy diamonds by the ton. Chase cuties in my Cadillac. Drill oil wells just for fun. And when it comes to the Fair, I (and my gator belly) swell with that arrogant bastard Texan pride that makes us everyone’s favorite Americans. But, I still want a deal! A damned delicious deal and I want all you other eating humans of the world to share in this deal.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Gator, yet again, performed the ultimate service to all food eating humankind: eating all the new offerings the State Fair of Texas has…to offer. Every fall I open up my “resplendent coffers, which had been For sowing here below husbandmen”, and “screw my courage to the sticking place”. My eyes: razor focused dots of determination leaping from backdrops of crimson, like shark tanks mid feeding frenzy set within my skull. My mouth: mechanized and efficient, unhinged like a reptile’s. My stomach: more expansive than Cronus’ and more powerful than the barrel of a cement truck. My will, determination, and ability to execute: resolute enough to sate both the hunger of mine and Tantalus. My sense of style: flawless. (Here’s the deal: I spend my money so you don’t waste yours. I sort the winners from the losers. Al Pacino once captured my nature perfectly: “all he does is work out and pick winners”. It was very embarrassing.)

So, on a very unseasonably cold and rainy fall day, the Lady Gator (who is a guinea a minute), and I set out to THE GREAT STATE FAIR OF TEXAS, dressed in our dining best (of course).
 

In the following word journey, I shall carry you through our Eatvestigation of the new offerings and rank/make my suggestions of the goods for you to yummy down on. The goal: keep you from wasting valuable stomach real-estate and greenback American dollars. This is our 4th year of providing such an incredible service. Please see HERE, HERE, and HERE for past years’ Eatvestigation findings (NOTE – due to unfortunate timing and scheduling, the 2011 Eatvestigation was never published on the information super-interwebs. It is, however, fully documented in picture and chicken scratch shorthand notes. Perhaps to be published when I’m bedridden incredibly bored.)

So, without further ado (read: I’ll shut up now): THE GATOR EATS’ 2012 STATE FAIR OF TEXAS EATVESTIGATION FOODVENTURE!

This year, we chewed through and swallowed down 23 different food items. We left only 3 gastronomical stones unturned due to either: inability to find said items or treading on the safer side of consumption and avoiding questionable State Fair seafood. We did, however, sub one item for this trip and shall hunt down and kill the last remaining items on a 2nd 2012 trip. We will report back.

Moneyz spent:
Admission – $16 x 2 = $32 (we actually had free tickets due to a sweet school system hook-up, but we need to act like we didn’t for the sake of this economic experiment)

Broke.

Parking – $10
Food Tickets – 255 tickets x $0.50/ticket = $127.50

TOTAL: $169.50

You may want to revisit my STATE FAIR PREVIEW for my mindset going into this year’s challenge (I’ll be sure to conjure and expand on my points as we go). You’ll see that I wasn’t super stoked. Plus, last year’s new options were so poor, I had low expectations.

*(PHOTO CREDITS – THE LADY GATOR)*

23.) CHOCOLATE CANDY-COATED BACONNOPE – (10 tickets – Stiffler Brothers – Cotton Bowl Plaza)


(Not to be confused with the CHOCOLATE CANDY DIPPED IN BACON WITH SPRINKLES.) Playing into my rant about the give-up, over-baconing, and over-chocolate/bacon pairing of America, we find this stupid creation. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:23: “Everything is permissable – but not everything is beneficial”. Chewy, soggy, thin, FLAVORLESS bacon. FLAVORLESS chocolate. Oh! And candy sprinkles…like 6 of them. All resulting in a very stupid and chewy experience. This sucked all around. Chocolate and bacon? Permissable…but not always beneficial. Try thicker bacon and some chocolate with some flavor to it, and call me next year.

22.) DEEP FRIED SUGAR CUBESNOPE – (9 tickets – Pizza and Nachos – Cotton Bowl Plaza.)
 

Look, I know what you’re saying, but it’s actually nothing like it sounds…which would have been something. But, these…were…nothing. Just vacuous balls. Just massive caloric and monetary wastes. I mean, with a pseudo-sensational name akin to “Fried Butter”, you’d think they’d at least be downright cloying or something! No. Sugar cubes “double dipped in batter: chocolate, vanilla, or both.” We weren’t given a choice and from the picture, I guess we got the both? We chose to have ours topped with chocolate syrup (Hershey’s) and some kind of strawberry sauce. First off, when tickets come in sheets of 20, and EVERYTHING ELSE in the fair costs 8, 10, 12, 14 tickets…don’t charge me an odd amount of tickets. Just don’t do it! Dos-ly, why the hell do these things taste like nothing?! Absolute nothing! They’re not even sweet! Just weird grainy balls that are VERY hard to put in your mouth (that’s what she said)! They’re greasy, impossible to eat sponges of dissolved sugar and oil. One that was covered in strawberry sauce kind of tasted OK. Kind of.

———————————————————————————————————–
Here, my dear friends, we run into a (small) bit of controversy. On the list of new foods offered at this year’s fair, there is a listing for “Pulled Pork Sliders”. The handy dandy food search page turns up TWO different listings: a “Pulled Pork Slider” at Going Bananas and a “Pulled Pork Sliders” at BW’s Fried Ribs. Sounds OK. Many foods are available at multiple locations. This is a roast pig of a different color, however. Both mini-sandwiches can be found in the same Coca-Cola Food Court, and they’re within 60 feet of each other! One dish is 10 tickets. One is 14 tickets. One is 2 simple sandwiches. One is 3 sandwiches, sweet potato chips, and cole slaw. One is served dry. One is served wet. The description from BigTex.Com says: Pulled Pork SlidersWhat fairgoer will be able to resist thissmoked pulled pork sandwich? Served on a slider bun and topped with white BBQ sauce, plus extra sauce on the side for EXTRA dipping”. Neither matched the description. Has the world lost it’s mind?! Well, no. It turns out these are both very different offerings, and as for whether these offerings are really “new”? Well, that will have to wait for further investigation.

**SIDE RANT** – PULLED PORK SLIDERS? “New”? Really? Harkening back to my STATE FAIR PREVIEW, I must rant about the creativity of the State Fair that so many hail. However, it was here that I had an epiphany, of sorts. One of the great strengths/plusses of the State Fair is that it only comes around once a year for a mere 3 weeks. This also proves to be a tragic fault of the Fair, as it’s short annual lifespan forces a stale, static snapshot of food ingenuity (foodgenuity). The world of food is very alive and evolving and shifting (pedantic, cliched statement). Whereas we (read: I) now find sliders “played out” and unimaginative (and have for several years, but this is Dallas and Dallas is so very slow on the uptick), the State Fair is constantly forced to get ahead of the 8-ball and yet cover it’s bases by slogging on behind the 8-ball with completely obvious offerings for fear of leaving out said obvious offerings. It’s a vicious cycle, but a theory I will continue to investigate. Back to the food…
———————————————————————————————————–

21.) PULLED PORK SLIDERS NOPE – (10 tickets – Going Bananas– Coca-Cola Food Court)
   
So, this here is a damn bargain, right?! For 10 tickets you get 3 sandwiches, homemade sweet potato chips, coleslaw, and a pickle. This is the opposite of good. The pork was served wet (in sauce…a RED sauce) and that was all types of bad wet. The chips were homemade and home-meh. The next grain of salt these chips see will be their first. The coleslaw tasted like crunchy, creamy nothing. The pickle had obviously been drinking whiskey as it was limp. It was just bad all around. Don’t waste your time here.

20.) DEEP FRIED BAKED POTATO NOPE(14 tickets – Smokey John’s BBQ – Cotton Bowl Plaza)

Such a misnomer. “Crispy fried French fries wrapped in foil just like a baked potato. Split open and filled with butter, cheddar cheese, sour cream, chives, and bacon bits.  Slow smoked chopped beef and signature homemade BBQ sauce can be added”. “Baked potato”? Nothing more than loaded french fries. Boring and I know you have been able to find these at the Fair for years now. The “twist”? Butter and foil wrapper. And guess what, I ate a bite that was nothing but a glob of mostly melted butter. AND, I didn’t give a hell! This is a dish that, even if properly called “Loaded Fair BBQ Fries” or something, you should love immediately but, you don’t. It’s just damn messy and deep fried regret. How come I’m hating on French fries?!

19.) EL DOGITO ON A STICK – NOPE – (10 tickets – Funnel Cakes – Coca-Cola Food Court)

   
The El Dogito wasn’t offensively bad, disappointing, or overall horrible. It DID taste like something that was purchased at the Sam’s Club earlier that day. A spicy sausage, cheese (Velveeta?), and jalapenos wrapped in a flour tortilla and fried. It was supposed to be served with mild or hot salsa, but we were given a tub of orangish smokey/sweet sauce (I guess it was chipotle?). The sausage was very good. I’d like to eat one of them (that’s what she said, again). The tortilla, however, was too large and there was way too much overhang (observe picture above where you stare into the uncircumcised Dogito). Actually, the evidence in the middle picture above reveals this to have been a female El Dogito…which is just confusing. #dolphinanatomyhumor. Overall, just a so forgettable.

18.) FRIED CORN CHEESE NOPE– (14 tickets – Benz Food – Cotton Bowl Plaza)
 

My very first year of Eatvestigating and Foodxploration, I stopped by the Benz Food booth and purchased a deep fried chocolate jalapeno. That MAY have been the first time in my life that I took one bite of any food item, chewed once, panicked, and then spit the regret into the trashcan. It was the WORST thing I have ever encountered at the Fair. I had to give them another shot this year with their offering of Fried Corn Cheese. I’ll be honest. I liked it. I should say, I liked what it should have been. A nice big cheese stick, dipped in batter very similar to Fletcher’s Corny Dog batter, and fried. The result: a salty, sweet, cruncy exterior with melty and stretchy cheesy inside….if you’re lucky. If you’re me, you get the slightly stale exterior with a congealed, cooled, and chewy inside that kind of chokes you on the way down. Obviously, we were victims of pre-made goods, here. Were this fried up fresh for us, it may have been quite good! Maybe a slightly better cheese with some taste to it. However, for 14 tickets? You, Benz Food, are deep fried assholes.

17.) DEEP FRIED CHICKEN & WAFFLE ON A STICKNOPE – (10 tickets – STIFFLER BROTHERS – Midway/Thrillway)
   

Another super popular food out in the real world. A “bait food”,  I like to call it. A buzz word food. You want to bring people in and have a safe “exotic” food experiment, put chicken and waffles on the menu. Put it in on a stick, dip it in waffle batter, and fry it, however, and you have a Fair food…at least you should. Now, when making a “chicken & waffle on a stick”, you’d want to put some waffle in there, right? A good thick, sweet, fluffy, batter, right? So, what the hell happened here? What we have here, in all honesty, is a very moist and tender chicken finger. With powdered sugar. And a cup of syrup. The batter is not sweet or thick. It should walk the line of a dessert or breakfast dish and a savory down home tradition. All this is, is a Raising Cane’s chicken finger with some powdered sugar on top that just throws everything into a smoking, tragic, barrel roll free fall. I love my sweet meats. I love meat desserts (aka -“meatzerts”), but this was such a let down and waste. I mean, chicken and waffle. On a stick. At the Fair. The ball was set on a tee for you and you not only whiffed, you hit the ball down into the ground and up into your groin on your backswing. Then, your groin caught on fire and fell out onto the ground like a Duplo, leaving a puzzle piece gap between your legs. Hm.

16.) DEEP FRIED MAC-N-CHEESE SLIDER MEH – (10 tickets – Multiple Locations)

 
Again. A slider. I admit – it’s friendly Fair food, but still. Give me a full hell damn burger, dammit! Hell! This is our first encounter with one of the Big Tex Choice Awards Finalists. The description on the website states: “…this southern-style invention almost calls for a rocking chair and a front porch.” That’s dumb. What it calls for is a glass of water and maybe a big souffle cup of mustard. A fried square of “three-cheese mac”, a hockey puck of beef, and a soul sucking sponge bun. All stacked together to form a tower of mediocrity too big to bite and so dry and flavorless your skeleton tries to jump out from your skin and run away to the foam party they apparently have on the Thrillway. No joke. That’s f***ing disgusting. The foam party ride, I mean. Not the slider. That’s just very not worth it. At least the seasoned waffle fries that came with it are good. So, this was a Big Tex finalist, huh? Big whiff and I feel vindicated for my pre-Fair rant. Chris Carrabba/Dashboard Confessional vindicated.

15.) DEEP FRIED KITTY KATMEH – (10 tickets – Stiffler Brothers – Midway/Thrillway)

Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that…bite I kind of wish I could have back but I can’t and while you’re at it punch yourself in the nuts for the dumb name. The Lady Gator and I LOVE Snickers and we LOVE the Deep Fried Snickers. We LOVE Kit Kats and we were hoping we’d LOVE the Deep Fried Kit Kat. Well, as it turns out, some foods are just better left unfried. I know! WHO KNEW?! WEIRD! A whole Kit Kat bar is battered and fried and doused in chocolate syrup. The customer is left covered in a weird smelling and tasting mess. The chocolate and wafer completely disintegrate in the hot oil. The Kit Kat’s chocolate tastes off. Small portions of the Kit Kat remain crunchy, but grainy, chalky, and dry. Most of it melts into a very soggy mess. A very soggy messy mess. Just another disappointment. However, I’ll leave open the possibility for improvement and say that if you’re really “adventurous”, give it a try.

14.) DEEP FRIED POTATO TWIST BALLSMEH– (10 tickets – GiGi’s Fried Green Tomatoes – Coca-Cola Food Court)
 
“Potato concoction consisting of onion, bacon bits, and bell pepper. Covered in Cajun breading and deep fried.” Not bad flavor. Spicy. Decent amount for price. Friendly sized bites. A bit spicy. Crunchy on the outside, but wet and mushy on the inside. That’s where it lost me. It became very forgettable and needed a bold flavor of some kind. Again, if you’re looking for a new, bite sized snack, may want to try. But, you’re not missing anything. But it is a giggle to order “twist balls”.

13.) DEEP FRIED RED VELVET CUPCAKE SURE – (12 tickets – Southern Fried Chicken – Coca-Cola Food Court)
 

First things first: the thing I liked the least about this was the useless, flavorless, dry, fried chicken scrap on top. We surmised that it was on there only because it came from the Southern Fried Chicken booth. Bad attempt at trying to stand out. Other than that, I liked it! (*NOTE – The Gator has quite the sweet tooth, so, my tolerance for cloying is a bit higher than most. Lady Gator did not enjoy this*). A crisp, thick batter on the outside of a good, moist red velvet cake, injected with frosting, and drizzled with more melted sweet frosting. It smells amazing. The consistency is that of most fried cakes. Molten and melty on the inside. Very greasy, however. Give it a try if you like fried cakes and sweet things. Which is also how I was propositioned once on Harry Hines.

12.) DEEP FRIED COTTON CANDY – SURE – (10 Tickets – Cassie’s Frozen Yogurt – Midway/Thrillway, more places)
 

After the disaster that was 2011’s Fried Bubblegum, I was weary to try this one. The bubblegum was, perhaps, the most ridiculously sweet thing I’ve ever tasted. My eyes still hurt from the sugar. How could cotton candy be any different? Well, I have to say, IT IS! This is by far the biggest surprise I’ve ever had at the Fair. They were made fresh by the inventor himself who…well…seemed a little like his brain was a bit deep fried. That’s all I’ll say. Cotton candy sugar mix is combined with funnel cake batter and fried. The result: hot, fresh, confetti cake like balls (which was how I requested to be described by friends to perspective blind dates in college). I liked this! Oh my. I’m embarrassed to like this. Maybe I like this based on my complete preparations to hate it? It was just a good cake donut with a good amount of cotton candy flavor. Definitely greasy, but definitely good. If you like donuts, you should try this.

11.) DEEP-FRIED DIVINE CHOCOLATE TRES LECHES CAKESURE – (10 Tickets – Ranchero Gorditas – Coca-Cola Food Court)
 
You should get this item solely for the opportunity to stand in front of the Ranchero Gorditas booth and smell and stare at all the amazing gordita and torta fixin’s. You could (and just maybe should) make this a square meal. Order your gordita or torta, some rice and beans, and finish off with a Fried Chocolate Tres Leches Cake. A moist cake (which has been soaked in not one, not two, not four, but THREE milks!), crusted in a caramelized batter, sprayed with whipped cream, served with canned peaches, sliced strawberries, and a drizzle of caramel syrup. This dude is the perfect fall Fair food. Soft and warm spiced caked with a bit of crunch on the outside. Put a little peach in your bite and it’s perfect.

10.) CUP OF TRASH SURE – (8 tickets – Darn Good Corn – Close to Texas Lottery Luck Zone)

Look. Just gonna be honest. This is solid. Not great, but solid. A solid meal of ground beef, beans (2 kinds!), and rice, and your choice of tomatoes, onions, and cheese to top it off. This just simple and good an on the cold ass day we went, was the PERFECT fall Fair food. It was probably the most nutritious thing we ate and you could eat at the Fair. Plus, it’s cheap. Why not? Oh, and if you’re on the fence…OYSTER CRACKERS!

9.) PICNIC ON A STICKSURE – (12 tickets – Guacamole Paradise – by Lagoon in Cotton Bowl Plaza, or, Big Tex vicinity)
 
Crispy and crunchy on the outside. Mushy on the inside. Too mushy for me. That was what kept me from loving it. Just felt like there was uncooked potential mixed in there with the soft tater tots. It was still very tasty, however. Smelled like a fried pickle which got my mouth all ready for eating coitus. Spicy buffalo chicken, tater tots, and pickles all fried together. It was good. Just not great. Try it dipped in ranch AND bbq sauce. I think just more cooking time? Or, potato wedges instead of the tater tots? Lady Gator just wanted the pickles to be more sour…and more of them. Story of our lives.

8.) FRIED MEXICAN FIRE CRACKERSURE(12 Tickets – Multiple Locations)
   

Looks like a fried Delimex frozen taquito. Smells better and tastes better. There’s a pleasant and strong fresh masa aroma. There’s a crisp exterior providing a great crunch. There’s enough moisture from the oil and the juicy chicken and cheese inside to make sure it’s not totally dry. There’s a “fiery TNT sauce” to dip into that just really screams chipotle ranch. It has good zing from the jalapeno. Plus, it’s portable! You can easily eat this Tex-Mex treat while walking around the Fair pondering Big Tex’s old man flat butt. All the same, and perhaps it’s just a personal stigma, but it still kind of feels like you’re eating a fried frozen taquito. I don’t care. Take my tickets and give me that goodness.

7.) PORK SLIDERS – YEP – (14 Tickets – BW’S FAMOUS FRIED RIBS – Coca-Cola Food Court)
 

Going back to my discovery that 2 booths had the pork sliders and the question mark that appeared and floated over my head. As I was walking back to the table the Lady Gator had snagged with both options purchased, I was amazed at the balls of BW’s to charge 14 tickets for TWO sandwiches, while Going Bananas charged 10 tickets for the bounty described above. Truth be told, I think I already knew in the back of my mind which was going to be better. The sliders from BW’s are so delicious it’s amazing. Served on the same soft and fluffy bun as Going Bananas, but with such an elevated quality pulled pork that I wanted to puke up Going Bananas’ just to make room for more of BW’s and rub Going Bananas’ nose in it. The pork is so moist and peppery. You don’t even realize there’s no sauce or sides or anything. You don’t even care. The description from BigTex.com claims there was supposed to be a white barbecue sauce both on the sandwiches and on the side. However, we found none. It’s a shame. I would have liked to have tried it. The 14 tickets is a bit steep, but for good pork? Maybe worth it. I penalized it for being such an obvious item and being late to the game. However, if you’re wanting a change-up at the fair, here’s your huckleberry.

6.) FRIED COW PATTYYEP YEP – (14 tickets – Barrera’s – Midway)
   

You like funnel cakes? Hoooooly shit you’ll love this big ol’ steaming plate of fried. Nothing like what I imagined from the description: “This prairie-fried pastry has sweet ‘smells up to high heaven!’  Made with a decadent, fluffy, fried chocolate batter the size of a dinner plate.  A dollop of special chocolate pudding topped with a secret chocolate mousse whipped cream.” Re-reading that, maybe I should have expected what we got. Basically, it’s a funnel cake made with chocolate batter. That’s good. The “chocolate batter” didn’t taste like chocolate. That’s bad. It was soft, fluffy, slightly sweet, and doughnutty. That’s good. We received no “special chocolate pudding”. That’s bad. The chocolate mousse whipped cream was OUT OF THIS WORLD! So good! I would love a bowl of that. I strongly encourage you to break your funnel cake rut (who has one of those? Is that such a thing? Sounds like a #friedfoodproblem #whouseshashtagsinablogwriteup #goingbacktothatwell).

5.) CHICKEN FRIED CACTUS BITESYEP YEP – (12 tickets – Benavides Foods – Coca-Cola Foodcourt)
 
I was prepared to not really care for this. My past run-ins with cactus (fried or otherwise) have left me with a slimy, flavorless mess on my hands, mouth, and everywhere else. Wink. Once again, The Gator’s State Fair Preview was laughed at with a deep fried spiteful laugh and a bacon studded middle finger. The small, crunchy pieces of cactus were perfectly battered and perfectly fried. It tastes like a perfect blend of fried jalapenos (without the heat), fried okra (without the slime and seeds), and fried pickles (without the brininess). They’re served with a sweet and spicy jalapeno ranch/agave nectar sauce that really elevated the fried cactus pieces. You should try this.

4.) DEEP FRIED SAMOASYEP YEP – (10 tickets – The Dock – by Embarcadero, or, Fernie’s Funnel Cakes – b/w Big Tex and Magnolia Lounge)
 
I’m glad this is a Girl Scout Cookie and not a native of a small South Pacific country. I would have had had to think about eating the latter. Luckily, this was the cookie option and I had no hesitation. It’s simple. Take a wonton, put a Samoa in there, fry it, drizzle with caramel, caramel, chocolate and toasted coconut. It’s GREAT! It’s everything you love about the Girl Scouts: greasy, messy, chocolatey, and a little bit of crunch. Only downside – the wonton is a little too big and tough. Come on Girl Scouts. Get your s*** together.

3.) DEEP FRIED JAMBALAYAYEP YEP(10 tickets – Big As Texas – Midway or b/w Embarcadero and Food & Fiber Building)
 

The winner of the Big Tex Choice Awards for Best Taste. This was by far the longest line we had to wait in. It was also quite cheap! You get one ball of a very flavorful rice mixture atop an onion ring and a spicy ranch sauce “made in house”. The Italians have a dish called “arancini” where rice balls are covered in breadcrumbs and fried. Abel Gonzales, State Fair fried food royalty, put a Cajun spin on the traditional Italian dish and won an award. This was probably the most flavorful item we tried. It smelled richly of a good stock with lots of Cajun spices. You could smell the cayenne. The fried batter shell was very thick and hard to crack, but once you did, it was delicious. Inside we found a small piece of andouille sausage, a small piece of chicken, and a small shrimp. I would gladly eat this jambalaya, fried or not. Give it a shot if you have 15 minutes to kill waiting in line.

2.) FRIED BACON CINNAMON ROLLOH HELL YES– (12 tickets – Benavides Foods – Coca-Cola Food Court, or, entry to Midway)

 
I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a sucker for cinnamon rolls. Soft, buttery, fluffy, sweet, cinnamony dough with melted frosting on top? How can anyone NOT like this? So, in this bacon obsessed world, it was only a matter of time before this, the Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll, happened. I’m surprised it didn’t happen faster and in a non-Fair establishment. But, Butch Benavides did it and won the Big Tex “Most Creative” Award. I’ll be honest. I’m not sure how “creative” it is. Just putting bacon in it? (I’ll stop my rant, but can’t we all be on the same page, here?) All the same, I have a job to do. This bad boy was lightly breaded and fried and a bit hard to cut through, but I didn’t give one hell. It was sweet, gooey, sweet, cinnamony, sweet, soft, sweet, and fluffy. Did I mention sweet? There were little chew bits of bacon that added a salty element, but nothing ever screamed “BACON!”. Lady Gator exclaimed: “I take back every cynical thing I said about that.”, and I just cried when she ate the heart of the cinnamon roll…my favorite part. It was a more than fair trade-off (no pun intended) for her putting up with my eatsanity. I firmly believe you MUST try this. It’s that damn good.

and The Gator’s New Fried Food Winner is:

1.) FRIED PORK WING – OH HELL YES. DO EAT NOW.  – (12 tickets – Taste of Cuba – Cotton Bowl Plaza, or, Magnolia Beer Garden, Hard by the Magnolia Lounge)
 
So, this is embarrassing. After railing against the lack of creativity of just dropping a small pork rib into a deep fryer (which is already done at restaurants here in Dallas such as The Libertine), I must say…creativity be damned. Good is good and this is f***ing good. In my defense, I predicted it would be good, but man…I didn’t think I’d like it THIS much. The pork rib is slow roasted, deep fried, and lacquered with a smoked bacon chipotle glaze. It’s so damn juicy and tender. It’s tangy, sweet, and slightly spicy. There are little bits of bacon in the sauce. It’s perfectly cooked and wonderfully messy. There are hand cut chips on the side. Some are perfectly crisp. Some are really soggy from either being shorted on cooking time or sitting under your pork wing. They’re all delicious. My mind was at war with itself. “It’s a pork wing! There’s only one!”, said one half. “Shut up and keep eating.”, said the other half. All I have to say is: EAT THIS! (PS – if you’re lucky Bootsy Collins will be on loop in the background.)

Well, there you have it. My full rundown. I’m looking forward to visiting the 2012 State Fair of Texas again to visit the butter sculptures, see the twin baby goats, ride the Texas Star with the Lady Gator, retry some things and eat my all-time favorite item: FLETCHER’S CORNY DOG. I suggest you do the same and finish off with a Fried Pork Rib, Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll, and Fried Cow Patty for dessert….and maybe another Corny Dog.

I think if you trust my list, you won’t waste any money and you’ll leave the Fair ridiculously satisfied. So, go forth and attack. Protect yourselves and stay alive. Whatever you do stay alive. I will find you.

Chomp.

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10 responses to “The 2012 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure

  1. This is complete fa-rickin bullshit. ANYONE knows you could have had an allergic reaction to an ingredient and gone to meet Jesus (with your tongue the size of a basketball). Why in THE WORLD you would not bring a smart, sassy nurse in possession of an emergency injection of Epinephrine is beyond me. Call me next year. : ) 469-774-7651 Dawn

  2. Great post! I am looking forward to trying all the food tomorrow. Thank you.

  3. Dawn, he doesn’t need a nurse. He has a Lady Gator, and she’s got things under control.

    And please don’t take needles to the fair. It sets a bad example for the children.

  4. I see spammers have gotten quite creative, Dawn!

    Fun write-up! Wish we had fairs like that around here!

  5. Love the blog, never been to the Texas state fair until this year looking forward to trying a few things on your list.

  6. Pingback: 2013 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure | The Gator Eats

  7. Pingback: 2015 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure (Round 1) | The Gator Eats

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