2013 State Fair of Texas: new fried foods for the masses

New Big Tex 2

I get corny dog in my eye, too.
Photo Credit: Tom Fox, Dallas Morning News

I promised in my initial State Fair of Texas post dealing with the Big Tex Choice Awards to comment and discuss the generically named “New Fried Foods” at the Fair. I hope you’ve been drinking water. The drool factor and salt content are going to mess you up, sucka.

This list was taken from TexasFairGuide.com:

Deep Fried Chocolate Chip Burrito – “Chocolate chip cookie dough fried in a flour tortilla. Served with chocolate or strawberry drizzle and whipped cream. Located on the Midway (M-23F0 and Nimitz Drive (N-17F).” – From here on out, consider yourself lazy for baking regular chocolate chip cookies and leaving them cold, naked, standing in the street shivering and crying tears of melted chocolate blood. For shame. – IN!

Deep Fried Shrimp and Grits – “Homemade grits are made with a blend of fresh herbs, cheese, and Cajun shrimp, coated in a secret batter, and deep fried. Located in the Tower Building (TB-9F).” – So, shrimp hushpuppies? Do you think they keep the “secret batter” a secret from the cooks? Probably not, but if so, expect a lot of inconsistency. – IN!

Deep Fried Spaghetti and Meatball – “Pasta, Roma tomato sauce, and fresh mozzarella are deep fried in a red lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit. Located in the Tower Building ( TB-9F) and near Gate G on MLK Jr., Blvd. (MLK-28F).” (SIC) – I’m not quite sure about the “red lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit” (again, SIC) tie-in, but after being reminded of the awesomeness of the RLCBB last weekend, I seem to recall Red Lobster being established in Sicily many years ago. Right? – IN!

Deep Fried Elote – “A bite sized and crunchy mix of corn, queso fresco, and salsa valentina. Served drizzled with a spicy cream sauce. Located in the Tower Building (TB-14F).” – Dude. Lady Gator hates elotes. Just thought you should know. – IN!

Pig Toes on a Stick – “6-8 tator tots paired with a slice of jalapeno, wrapped in smoked bacon, and then fried to a golden brown. Served plain or with a chili cheese dipping sauce. Located in Cotton Bowl Plaza (CBP-16F) and on MLK Jr., Blvd. ( MLK-26F).” – This name is misleading. Having never tried pigs feet, I was up to the challenge of braving FRIED pigs feet. Tater tots, though? Lame low hanging tubers, dudes. Unless, modern pigs wander about on tater tots wrapped in bacon. Pigs are awesome. – IN!

Loaded Avocado Crispy Fries – “A tray of fresh avocado slices, breaded, and fried crispy. Served covered with layers of Monterey Jack cheese, queso, bacon crumbles, fresh cilantro, and jalapeno slices. Located on the Funway (FW-46F) and in Cotton Bowl Plaza (CBP-19F).” – It’s like a TGIFridays Fair in this bitch. – IN

The Beast Burrito – “14 inch flour tortilla folded and deep fried with Angus burger meat, beans, rice, chopped onions, diced tomatoes, grated cheese, and jalapenos. Served with chili, chipotle, or green sauce. Located on Coliseum Drive (C3-F).”  AHHH-YOU KNOW-AHHHH-AHHH-AHHHH FLOURTORTILLAFILLEDWITHBURGERMEATBEANSRICE HAHAHAHAYOUKNOW AHHH-AHHH-AHHHH CHOPPED ONION AND-AND-AND AHHHH DICEDTOMATOESANDCHEESEANDJALEPENOS WITH-THE-WITH-THECHILI YEAHMAN THE CHILI AHHHH-AHHH HAHA AND SOME CHIPOTLE OOOOOHSPICYDAWG…OR YOUKNOW MANTHATGREENSAUCE I’MNOTJUDGING YOUKNOWHOWIDO BUT THEN! BUT THEN! BUT THEN! YOU! DEEP! FRY! IT! OOOOOH! BECAUSE HE’S A BEAST! IN!

Spicy Spam Empanadas – “Shredded spam, potatoes, bacon, shredded sharp cheddar cheese, onions, red and green peppers, jalapeno and chipotle peppers, and spices are stuffed inside a light empanada pastry shell and then deep fried golden brown. Located near the Front Gate (FG-4F).” (SIC) – #TRUTH – this will be my first time to have Spam. – IN!

Deep Fried Creole Boulette – “A creole boulette is a sauteed tilapia fish ball seasoned with a secret blackened mixture, dipped in an egg wash, and then a seasoned fish fry batter, and deep fried. Topped with a mild green onion aioli sauce. Located on Grand Avenue (G-4F).”   More hushpuppies. Fish testicle hushpuppies. – IN!

Fried Shrimp & Cheese Jalapeno – “Deep Fried Jalapeno Pepper stuffed with shrimp and cream cheese, battered and deep fried. Located on Coliseum Drive (C-2F).” – #TRUTH I once popped an entire jalapeno in my mouth to impress the Lady Gator. I got instant hiccups and had to eat a fire extinguisher. I’ve never felt more alive. – IN!

Deep  Fried BBQ Wontons – “Hickory smoked pulled pork or chopped brisket stuffed in a wonton wrapper and deep fried until golden brown. Served with a side of BBQ Sweet and Sour Sauce. Located in Cotton Bowl Plaza (CBP-15F) and on the Funway (FW-37F).” – So, is it just me, or have these been around for a while? Unfortunately, I can’t find some of my old Eatvestigation pictures or notes, so I can neither confirm or deny the previous existence of a wonton filled with BBQ stuffs. If anyone else knows, please let me know! Either way, if I’ll be tasting them for the first time or tasting them again for the first time – IN!

Of all of the above, I think I’m:
– MOST EXCITED to try the Spaghetti and Meatball
– MOST INTERESTED in the Spam Empanada

So, there’s nothing left but the eating. Are you ready, America Texas? Keep your eyes on this here blog for the big 2013 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation where I’ll tell you what to yummy down on and where to keep your $dollars in your wallet.

I deserve a medal for this.

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