Tag Archives: Big Tex Choice Awards

2016 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure

**FIREWORKS EXPLOSION**
**SMOKE MACHINE SMOKE**
**SWEET LAZER EFFECTS**
**SUPER LOUD, HIGH-ENERGY MUSIC THAT SOUNDS REALLY CLOSE TO SOMETHING OFF OF THE 1997 ALBUM “THE FAT OF THE LAND” BY THE PRODIGY BUT DIFFERENT ENOUGH TO AVOID LEGAL ACTION BY THE AFOREMENTIONED THE PRODIGY**
**CUE THE GATOR’S ENTRANCE VIA A FLOOR ELEVATOR**

That’s how you make an entrance! You hear that 2016 State Fair of Texas?! That’s how you do it!
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2015 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure (Round 1)

2015 Texas State Fair - Gator EatsWhat’s up, bitches? It’s that time of year we all wait for—THE GREAT STATE FAIR OF TEXAS! Oh, you don’t know about the amazeballsness of The State Fair of Texas? What’s the matter with you? You do know, but you haven’t been to the State Fair of Texas? You’re stupid. Let me educate you about what it is I do and what it is I’m here for before I get started on what it actually is that I do and what it is I’m actually here for.

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2013 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure

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SPOILER ALERT – The Gator remains undefeated in his battle against the State Fair of Texas. 2013 offered her mightiest resistance, but The Gator and Lady Gator were having none of it. This is not without some room for dispute, however. The Fair tried to pull some bush-league antics by withholding some of its edible eats from my mouth. By throwing out excuses like “oh, we ran out” (Spicy Spam Empanada), or admitting it was just a marketing hoax (Deep Fried BBQ Wontons), or by flat-out hiding things from the masses (The Beast Burrito), the Fair thought it could gut The Gator. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO! I laugh at these feeble attempts to snatch victory from my jaws. We still kicked your delicious deep-fried ass, Fair! Continue reading

2013 State Fair of Texas: rising from the flames like a freaking food phoenix

Sweet deep fried balls of heaven. Ladies and gentlemen, we are just a little over 8 days away from opening day of the GREAT State Fair of Texas! This could quite possibly be the most anticipated State Fair in like…a really long time. Seriously, Big_Tex_fire.2_retouchedguys. Think about it. After pulling a totally awesome Dumbledore fiery exit, our great fearless state mascot, Nolan Ryan Big Tex, underwent some serious skin and bone implant surgery. He and Paul Bunyan (his best friend) went on a sweet, giant dudes shopping spree at a big and tall store (probably Casual Male XL or The Foundry) and got all new Dickies duds. He learned how to properly stop, drop and roll thanks to our good and brave Dallas Fire Department.  Now, he’s waiting in the wings doing some last minute plyometrics and burpees (because if you’re from Dallas, you do Crossfit) preparing to rise from the ashes. Continue reading

2012 State Fair of Texas Preview

Do you smell that? That’s my State Fair erection…and it’s growing.

Within the last 12ish days(?) the finalists for the 2012 State Fair of Texas Big Tex Choice Awards were announced and a winner was named. Upon reading the list of foods that, in just under a month, will meet their end in my stomach, I was left with a feeling peppered with excitement but mostly flavored with a giant question mark above my head. I guess it was also upheld by dedication, responsibility, and nostalgia. I have a job to do. A service to mankind. However, I don’t find myself with the feeling of blind food disbelief  and “awe” that many others in the world of the interwebs do. Continue reading