2016 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure

**FIREWORKS EXPLOSION**
**SMOKE MACHINE SMOKE**
**SWEET LAZER EFFECTS**
**SUPER LOUD, HIGH-ENERGY MUSIC THAT SOUNDS REALLY CLOSE TO SOMETHING OFF OF THE 1997 ALBUM “THE FAT OF THE LAND” BY THE PRODIGY BUT DIFFERENT ENOUGH TO AVOID LEGAL ACTION BY THE AFOREMENTIONED THE PRODIGY**
**CUE THE GATOR’S ENTRANCE VIA A FLOOR ELEVATOR**

That’s how you make an entrance! You hear that 2016 State Fair of Texas?! That’s how you do it!

2015 State Fair Eatvestigation Foodventure (Round 2): About that Chicken Fried Lobster

The 2015 State Fair of Texas has come and gone and if you didn’t go, you’re stupid, you missed out. This year’s Fair was full of great new food items, plus all the favorites of past years. The Lady Gator and I were able to squeeze in two trips to eat all the things we could for the sake of family home economics. You can read about our first trip here, but let’s get to the artery clogging sticking point:

CHICKEN FRIED LOBSTER.

Deep-fried Breaking News: The Gator to Tackle $30 Deep-Fried Lobster “Thing”

**BREAKING NEWS!**

Just when he looked like he was down and out, The Gator’s adoring fans go and lift him to new levels! As detailed in my Round 1 review of the 2015 Texas State Fair, The Gator had to forego this year’s extravagant Chicken Fried Lobster for reasons of:

1. It’s damn 60 tickets ($30).
2. They were out of the tail meat that made it so luxurious when The Gator and Lady Gator made their visit.

Then, the Lady Gator brought in the mail. “What’s in the mail?”, you cry in your best SE7EN impression. A letter from an amazing Gatorfile.

The Gator Eats: Stephan Pyles’ San Salvaje

“We’d follow you anywhere” were our words to Stephan Pyles as he took time to chat with us while making the rounds  around the dining room of his newest restaurant, San Salvaje. We were nearing the end our special 5-year anniversary meal. We had spent the previous anniversary at the then new Stampede 66, also belonging to Chef Pyles and loved every second of it. We dined at Chef Pyles’ eponymous flagship a few years before for Dallas Restaurant Week and loved every second of it. When we heard that San Salvaje, his take on South and Central American cooking, would be opening at the beginning of May, we made reservations right away to celebrate. You see, in my eyes, Stephan Pyles can do no wrong and I would gladly eat anything the man took the time to create. ANYTHING. Well, maybe not anything. Let’s move on.

2013 State Fair of Texas Eatvestigation Foodventure

SPOILER ALERT – The Gator remains undefeated in his battle against the State Fair of Texas. 2013 offered her mightiest resistance, but The Gator and Lady Gator were having none of it. This is not without some room for dispute, however. The Fair tried to pull some bush-league antics by withholding some of its edible eats from my mouth. By throwing out excuses like “oh, we ran out” (Spicy Spam Empanada), or admitting it was just a marketing hoax (Deep Fried BBQ Wontons), or by flat-out hiding things from the masses (The Beast Burrito), the Fair thought it could gut The Gator. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO! I laugh at these feeble attempts to snatch victory from my jaws. We still kicked your delicious deep-fried ass, Fair!

2013 State Fair of Texas: new fried foods for the masses

I get corny dog in my eye, too.
Photo Credit: Tom Fox, Dallas Morning News

I promised in my initial State Fair of Texas post dealing with the Big Tex Choice Awards to comment and discuss the generically named “New Fried Foods” at the Fair. I hope you’ve been drinking water. The drool factor and salt content are going to mess you up, sucka.

2013 State Fair of Texas: rising from the flames like a freaking food phoenix

Sweet deep fried balls of heaven. Ladies and gentlemen, we are just a little over 8 days away from opening day of the GREAT State Fair of Texas! This could quite possibly be the most anticipated State Fair in like…a really long time. Seriously, guys. Think about it. After pulling a totally awesome Dumbledore fiery exit, our great fearless state mascot, Nolan Ryan Big Tex, underwent some serious skin and bone implant surgery. He and Paul Bunyan (his best friend) went on a sweet, giant dudes shopping spree at a big and tall store (probably Casual Male XL or The Foundry) and got all new Dickies duds. He learned how to properly stop, drop and roll thanks to our good and brave Dallas Fire Department.  Now, he’s waiting in the wings doing some last minute plyometrics and burpees (because if you’re from Dallas, you do Crossfit) preparing to rise from the ashes.

7 Days!

Get excited eating human peoples – – The Great State Fair of Texas opens one week from today! Have you been doing your kegels? Have you been doing your stomach stretches? I have! There’s going to be a lot to explore when those gates fly open and battered and fried angels sing glorious calorie laden choruses.

But, what about money? Is your wallet ready? True, The Fair is no cheap exercise in awesomeness. That’s why I got really f***ing rich – so, I could go crazy at The Fair, trying all the food eats and food bites and then report to your stomach’s wallet where to best spend your tiny limited funds (excuse me while I give you a pity laugh). I wish you were rich, then we could be friends in real life.

2012 State Fair of Texas Preview

Do you smell that? That’s my State Fair erection…and it’s growing.

Within the last 12ish days(?) the finalists for the 2012 State Fair of Texas Big Tex Choice Awards were announced and a winner was named. Upon reading the list of foods that, in just under a month, will meet their end in my stomach, I was left with a feeling peppered with excitement but mostly flavored with a giant question mark above my head. I guess it was also upheld by dedication, responsibility, and nostalgia. I have a job to do. A service to mankind. However, I don’t find myself with the feeling of blind food disbelief  and “awe” that many others in the world of the interwebs do.

IL CANE ROSSO-SO (OR “HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT A DIET AND EAT LOTS OF PIZZA”)

1.) What’s up world. I’m back.
2.) Just finished a show, so that means it’s time to eat! And, when it’s time to eat, I EAT. The Lady Gator and I have been craving pizza. Like a true awesome gentleman, I suggested CiCi’s. The Lady Gator said “no”. That meant it was time to check out the place I had heard so much about and was dying to try: IL CANE ROSSO.